Kelly wore a spectrum of metallic polishes and a clear glitter top coat at the 2011 'Cosmopolitan' Ultimate Women of the Year Awards. Click to learn how to recreate her sparkly look.How to Get Kelly Rowland's Glimmering Glittery Nails
Kelly wore a spectrum of metallic polishes and a clear glitter top coat at the 2011 'Cosmopolitan' Ultimate Women of the Year Awards. Click to learn how to recreate her sparkly look.Meanest story nominee: Chaz Bono has four years to live!
Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
The Enquirer has published several bad stories about Chaz Bono's health this year and now puts the 42 year old on the Expiration Date list, giving him four years to live. This is a strangely long time for these kinds of stories. The longest expiration date before this were two years to live. Among the people who have gotten the "two years to live" treatment are Oprah Winfrey, Rush Limbaugh and Chaz' mom Cher.
Here are the headlines.
- Breaking news! Chaz Bono Only 4 years to live!
- Liver damage agony
- Dancing With The Stars made his health crisis worse
Best wishes to Chaz, his family and friends. This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Meanest story nominee: Miss Loretta Lynn has weeks to live.
Publication: Globe
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
For those of you keeping track, this is now the fifth story in two years in the gutter press predicting the death of Miss Loretta Lynn. What it really means is there is some over-dramatic Judas with a connection to Miss Lynn who is making money funneling mean stories to the Globe and the low rent Examiner. Here are this week's headlines.
- Loretta Lynn dying!
- New hospital drama!
- Only weeks to live - pals fear
Let me note that it was two months ago when the headline about Miss Loretta read "THE END". By saying "weeks to live", I've given this post an "Expiration Date" label and I arbitrarily set the date at the end of the year.
Best wishes to Miss Loretta Lynn, her friends and family, from a fan. I exclude the "friends" who keeping blabbing bad stuff about her to the tabloids.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Meanest story nominee: Robin Gibb THE END
Publication: Globe
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
Welcome to gossip hell, Robin Gibb. The 61 year old member of the Bee Gees was recently hospitalized and looks very thin, so the Globe gives him no chance to live for much longer. Here are the headlines.
- Robin Gibb THE END
- Bee Gees tragedy!
- Now 97 lbs!
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Bundle of Joy alert: Woman claims Justin Bieber is the father of her child.
Publication: Star
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
Back in the 1990s, Bill Clinton's penis got him in so much trouble it got its own nickname, the Clenis.
Here in the 2010s, we may have to start referring to the Bienis. Star has uncovered a young woman who says Justin Bieber is the father of her child. Here are the headlines.
- Justin Bieber is the father of my baby!
- World exclusive
- Baby Tristin and mom Mariah
- 20-year-old's shocking lawsuit
- Where they met
- The paternity test
- 'He told me it was his first time'
- Official court documents
This might become one of the major scoops of the year if it isn't complete nonsense. This blog takes a wait and see approach at present.
Love Bird Alert™: Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves
Publications: OK!, Star
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! One of the first rules of the gossip rags is that if two people are willing to have their picture taken together, things of a fluid exchange nature must be taking place behind closed doors.
Welcome to gossip hell, Keanu Reeves! He had a dinner date with his Speed co-star Sandra Bullock, so they must be doing the nasty. Here are the headlines.
- OK!: Sandra moves on: Happy with Keanu
- Star: Sandra hooks up with Keanu
Bun In The Oven Alert™: More stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged pregnancy.
Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! Some people will point out that sometimes the gossip rags print rumors that are denied but turn out to be true. This blog exists to point out they get stuff right sometimes and they get stuff wrong as well, with the wrong guesses outnumbering the correct stories by a significant margin. While the supermarket mags were all over Jessica Simpson's obvious baby bump, they also can't help themselves trying to get America's favorite spinster Jennifer Aniston pregnant, though the actress has denied the rumors. Here are this week's headlines.
- OK!: Jen pregnant: medical center drama
- In Touch: Exclusive pictures of Jen's nursery!
She has denied these stories and unlike Jessica Simpson, Jen's denials sound convincing for two reasons. Jen doesn't look particularly heavy in recent pictures and Jen isn't a dim bulb.
Bells are Ringing alert™: Jessica's wedding dress meltdown.
Publication: In Touch
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! About a year ago, the story was being told that Jessica Simpson was rushing into marriage with Eric Johnson, the former football player. They are still not married but they are still together, so she's at least two points up on Kim Kardashian in that regard. In Touch says she's having trouble with the wedding dress, which could have something to do with her being pregnant and showing quite a bit.
Bun in the Oven Alert: Jessica Simpson admits her pregnancy.
Publications: People, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian helped prove a point this week. If you want publicity about something in your life, announce it on a Monday. This gives the supermarket rags exactly enough lead time to get the story on the cover of the magazines that will be announced on their websites on Wednesday and available on newsstands on Thursday.
People, Us Weekly and OK! have stories about the pregnancy which Jessica has finally confirmed after a month of rumors which this time turned out to be true. Here are the headlines.
- People: Baby update! Jessica Simpson
- Us Weekly: Jessica Talks: "I can't wait to meet my baby!"
- OK!: Jess having twins
Best wishes to all concerned.
On the rocks alert: The divorce of Kim'n'Kris makes the cover of SEVEN gossip rags.
Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star, National Enquirer
Date: 14 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash... on Wednesdays! Yes, we get a story covered in seven supermarket rags, the most of any story in at least two years.
It's official! I now hate Kim Kardashian's guts. After nearly two years for not caring one way or the other, her obvious timing of ending her marriage for maximum exposure in the supermarket rags convinces me that she is exactly why the 99% should consider our modern society all out class warfare.
Here are the headlines from all seven magazines, which should be counted as a clean sweep. (The Globe and low rent Examiner skew too old for Kris, and the Sun is only interested in the End of the World.)
- People: Kim's 72-day marriage: Mistake or fake?
The real story
Exclusive details
What drove her to divorce now
Husband Kris blindsided
Just another reality TV stunt? - In Touch: $500 Million Divorce!
The shocking betrayal that could void Kim's prenup! - OK!: Kim files for divorce: "We're done!"
After only 72 days!
Why Kim felt trapped, embarrassed and tricked
Kris' ultimatum: "Me or your family"
He throws a divorce party
Kim tells OK!: "This isn't easy" - Weekly Life & Style: First interview only in Life&Style
Why I left him
An embarrassed Kim: 'There was nothing else I could do'
Kris wants the ring back: 'She used me!'
Ex-boyfriend Reggie asks to reunite - Star: Kim: single & pregnant
Divorce bombshell
Showdown over baby ended marriage - National Enquirer: After divorce papers filed…
Kim & Kris' wedding scam exposed!
photo proof inside - Us Weekly: My Big mistake
Inside their final days
Why Kim almost called off the wedding
Their nasty private fights
Did they marry for love or money?
Bells Are Ringing™ alert: Halle Berry to wed for the third time.
Publication: Star
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!
Star has an exclusive story that Halle Berry is going to get married for the third time. Her groom is not mentioned.
This gives me an excuse to put this picture of her up again.
Which I like.
'Cos she's purdy.
Bells Done Rung™ alert: Bachelorette Deanna gets married.
Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Deanna Pappas was on The Bachelorette a few years back, and now she's married, but not to a guy she met on the show.
Big surprise.
Weekly World News alert: Nutty scientist claims shocking new epidemic: snake flu!
Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Obviously, Samuel L. Jackson must be called in immediately.
Hey Old Timer gossip: Linda Evans loves getting older.
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The headline this week in the low rent Examiner reads
"Linda Evans, 69: I love getting older!"
And of course we believe her. Who wants to stay young and pretty forever? So much better to look like the female version of Mickey Rourke. If you don't grow older, you don't get the wonderful experience of your creepy husband John Derek, already sixteen years older than you are and on his second wife, dumping you and marrying a woman who could be your twin, except she's fifteen years younger still.
Yes, dear. We definitely believe you.
Man slut alert: Harry the homewrecker.
Publication: Star
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Prince Harry, the ginger headed royal rascal who doesn't look much like his mum or his dad, is allegedly up to his rakish tricks according to the Star, stealing another man's woman.
I say let him have his fun. It's not like he has a real job, is it?
Bundles of joy alert: Pictures of Mariah Carey's twins.
Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon get the best kind of publicity possible in the gossip rags, picture of them and their pretty, healthy babies. Best wishes to all involved.
Love bird alert™: Patrick Duffy's steamy kiss with sexy blonde.
Publication: Globe
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
By my completely subjective standards, Patrick Duffy does not count as Hey Old Timer Gossip because he wasn't famous when I graduated high school, but he obviously is best known by an older demographic. The Globe says he shared a kiss with a steamy blonde, though not the one in this picture.
J.R. Martinez of Dancing With The Stars
Publication: People
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Iraqi war veteran is on Dancing With The Stars this season and this week, People gives his story the majority of the cover. Here are the headlines.
- Triumph after tragedy
- Dancing's hero J.R. Martinez
- Burned over 40% of his body, the Iraq war veteran wished he'd died.
- Now winning the hearts of millions on Dancing With the Stars, he reveals his remarkable journey
Breaking news: Jessica Simpson confirms she's pregnant, one month after the first gossip rag mention.
Publication: Her website
Date: 31 Nov. 2011
Jessica Simpson is finally admitting what has been speculation for several weeks now, that she is pregnant with her fiance Eric Johnson child. The first rumor was almost exactly a month ago from In Touch, so they get a belated Scoop of the Week.
Breaking news: Kim Kardashian files for divorce.
Publication: TMZ via the Huffington Post
Date: 31 Oct. 2011
To the surprise of almost no one, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from Kris Humphries, the guy she married 72 days ago, citing irreconcilable differences.
As I have said before, these Orc-Hobbit mixed marriages almost never work out.
Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?: Family fight over Liz' $900 M fortune
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The low rent Examiner rehashes a story the Globe published in April, that Elizabeth Taylor left behind a whole lot of money and her family is fighting over it. The only difference is the Globe said it was a billion in April and the low rent Examiner says it's $900 million now.
That's either rounding error or a very expensive half a year.
This week's stories about The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Publications: National Enquirer, In Touch
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Here are the headlines about The Real Housewives of New Jersey this week.
- National Enquirer: Teresa & Joe will lose their kids - expert warns
Joe putting daughters' lives in danger - In Touch: The secrets that could ruin them
All hell breaks loose after the re-union
Teresa catches Joe in a hotel with blonde
Jacqueline's desperate to hide her life as exotic dancer
Caroline's plot to bury horrific assault
Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?: Dan Wheldon's tragic secret.
Publication: Globe
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Last week it was the Enquirer's turn and this week, the Globe has a cover story about Dan Wheldon, the Indy 500 champ who died in a horrific multiple car pile-up. Here are the headlines.
- Indy race champ autopsy shocker!
- Dan Wheldon's tragic secret
- Truth about his injuries
- Revealed: his terrifying final seconds
Amanda Knox: Her life now.
Publication: People
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The magazines in the AMI kennel treat Amanda Knox like a stone cold killer. The five nicer gossip rags acts like it was a miscarriage of justice and give her the benefit of the doubt. People, of course, is one of the five nicer gossip rags.
Failed prophecy: Betty White does NOT buy World Series winning baseball team.
Publication: Sun
Date: 20 June 2011
Back in June, the Sun had a cover with four prophecies for this year, none of them about the end of the world. One was that Miss Betty White would buy a baseball team and that team would win the World Series.
She is not part of the St. Louis Cardinal ownership.
Bun In The Oven Alert™: A girl for Beyonce!
Publication: In Touch
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
In Touch tells use that Beyoncé, who is definitely pregnant, has determined the baby is a girl.
Everybody in the world hopes the baby favors her mama.
Just sayin'.
Brave Last Days alert: Larry Hagman's last wish.
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The low rent Examiner tells us Larry Hagman is cancer stricken and that his last wish is to outlive his dying wife.
Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?Grave of Elizabeth Edwards' still unmarked.
Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The Enquirer tells us that the grave of Elizabeth Edwards is still unmarked and they have exclusive photos. Though he is not mentioned, this is obviously a continuation of their theme "John Edwards is a scumbag".
You'll get no argument from me, and I voted for the guy.
Bells Done Rung™: Elizabeth Edwards' daughter Cate weds.
(photo courtesy flynet)
Publication: People
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
People wants us to know that Cate Edwards, the daughter of the late Elizabeth Edwards, recently got married.
Technically, she also has to be the daughter of the under indictment scumbag John Edwards, but his name isn't mentioned.
Damn You Fat Alert™: Kirstie Alley packs the pounds back on.
Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Longtime readers will know that there is no class of people the Enquirer hates more than fat Scientologists. After her stint on Dancing With The Stars made her thinner, the Enquirer tells us she's porking out again, gaining 25 pounds in nine weeks, eating 4,500 calories a day.
As a fat person, those are disheartening numbers. I've never gained weight that fast and 4,500 calories is a crazy number.
Damn You Skinny Alert™: Ricki Lake loses 20 lbs.
Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Welcome to gossip hell, Ricki Lake! The actress and talk show hostess has recently lost weight while working out on Dancing With the Stars and this is being reported in a good way, one of the few weight stories this week with a positive slant. Good for her.
We gotta collapser! Garth Brooks breaks down.
Publication: Globe
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Two separate stories about Garth Brooks in two of the Wicked Step Sister tabloids. The low rent Examiner says there's a baby on the way, while the Globe says he has broken down in grief with all the bad news about the health of loved ones over the past few months.
Best wishes to Garth, his family and friends.
Bun in the Oven Alert™: A baby for Garth and Trisha.
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The low rent Examiner says there is a baby in the future for Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. It was not explicitly on the cover stated if she was pregnant or they planned to adopt.
Love Bird Alert™: When J. Lo & Bradley's affair really started.
Publication: OK!
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
As the story stands right now, Jennifer Lopez is the jilted party, what with her poodle of a husband Marc Anthony sniffing around Jada Pinkett Smith and messing the whole thing up. But this week, OK! says they know when J. Lo and her new beau Bradley Cooper really started seeing each other, which could completely change the whole "who jilted whom?" balance.
As usual, I didn't open the magazine to read it, so it could still be Marc got tired of Jennifer's well-formed-but-not-worth-the-grief hinder.
Hairdresser alert™: Rob Kardashian gay shocker!
Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Welcome to gossip hell, Rob Kardashian! No one really cares about Kardashians with penises, but now that he's on Dancing With The Stars, the Enquirer decided to say he's involved in some "gay shocker!"
Doesn't being famous look like just the funnest thing ever?
Nostradamus predicts the 2012 election
Publication: Sun
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Are you among the people who accept any prophecy that has the name Nostradamus linked to it?
It's time you changed your mind. The Sun puts a bunch of stuff on the front page predicting the 2012 election and one of them I am certain is complete bunk.
Welcome to gossip hell, Mitt Romney! Nostradamus says he will run afoul of the IRS.
Not impossible.
Barack Obama will have a health scare.
He's young, but all of us are mortal. This is possible.
Sarah Palin will run as a Democrat.
Ah, hellz no, as we say in Oakland. She's not running for office, she's too busy running after cash. People do switch parties, but the party has a say about it, too, and she's obviously a loser now. She wouldn't switch and the Dems wouldn't take her.
I am so certain of this, I'm going to put the "Nostradamus fail" label on this one right now. I will come back in November 2012 to check the others.
Not Long 4 This World and Meanest Story nominee: Barbra Streisand battles deadly disease!
Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
There are two new additions to the Tabloid Vulture list this week and they battle it out for Meanest Story of the Week with Steve Jobs, who allegedly died because he was a Buddhist. The Enquirer, which has previously published that Barbra Striesand is a hoarder whose marriage is on the rocks, now says she has a deadly cancer. Here are the headlines.
- Breaking news! Streisand cancer bombshell!
- Barbra's battle with deadly disease
- Husband James by her side
- Her new nightmare after colon surgery
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Not Long 4 This World and Meanest Story nominee: Demi Moore's weight plunges to a life threatening level.
Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Most weeks, it's the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe and low rent Examiner fighting it out for Meanest Story of the Week, but this week three of the allegedly more reputable gossip rags put Demi Moore on the tabloid vulture list, saying her life style could kill her. These are the headlines.
- Weekly Life & Style: Starving to keep her man
Demi's daughters fear for her life
95 lbs. and dropping
500 calories a day
Taking dangerous diet hormones
What is she thinking? - OK!: Starving for attention
What's behind (Demi's) dangerous weight loss - In Touch: Demi's deadly diet
Kick a corpse, why don'tcha and Meanest Story nominee: Buddhism killed Steve Jobs!
Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
The low rent Examiner tells us there is a "Harvard report" that claims Buddhist beliefs killed Steve Jobs. It's a sign of how well known Jobs was that the low rent Examiner thinks their demographic, which skews older, more Southern and more dense, will know who he is and judge him on his scary non-Christian beliefs.
This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.
Bun in the oven alert™: The OFFICIAL story about Wills'N'Kate's first kid.
Publication: GlobeDate: 7 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! The screaming headline on the cover of the Globe states IT'S OFFICIAL when obviously it's not, but their story is that Kate Middleton is definitely pregnant and it's definitely a girl. Here are the rest of the headlines.
- Kate's having baby girl!
- Palace uproar: Royals want male heir
- William building $1m pink nursery here (Buckingham Palace)
Damn You Skinny Alert™: Starving for attention.
Publication: OK!Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! A lot of stories about celebrities who are too skinny on the covers this week. OK! has a cover story I'm putting in the running for Meanest Story of the Week tomorrow, but it also includes two women who are always being called too skinny.
The first is Leann Rimes.
The second is Kate Middleton.
Damn You Skinny Alert™: How dieting destroyed their looks
Publication: Weekly Life & StyleDate: 7 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! Lots f stories about extreme dieting this week, including a pile-on attack on one celebrity that will be a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week tomorrow. Weekly Life & Style says that dieting has ruined the looks of Angelina Jolie, seen here when she was nice and fleshy.
The other actress in this story that has a picture making her look like a skeleton in a dress is Katie Holmes.
Bun in the oven alert™: Jen's baby bump.
Publication: OK!Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, is trying to get America's Spinster Jennifer Aniston pregnant. This week's headline reads:
Jen: her baby bump gets bigger
The story has already been denied.
Bells Done Rung Alert™, albeit very quietly: Jen and Justin elope.
(photo by Terry Richardson)Publication: Star
Date: 7 Nov. 2011
Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star promises an "Exclusive breaking news!" story that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have eloped. Here are the headlines.
- Jen & Justin married!
- They elope! No friends or family
- No prenup - she trusts him!
- Plus: she reconciles with mom, thanks to Justin
- All the details
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